TED video “What makes a good life? Lessons from the longest study on happiness” where author Robert Waldinger shares how relationships are a key element of happiness in life has over 22 million views on Youtube (link to the video at the end of the text for reference).
This shows that people have an interest in learning more about human relationships and their impact on happiness in life. Science tells us how relationships are an important ingredient in our lives.
In post covid world, as I like to call it, the social needs people have in relationships and overall perception of what people think their social needs are have changed a lot.
Social media, technology, covid and external circumstances which happened and still happen are some of the factors which changed that.
Being aware of this in a healthy way & communicating about it as an opportunity vs challenge for the future is something which can benefit us.
When you are building your own business, balancing and optimizing relationships with your clients, partners, employees, family, and friends is, in my opinion, the most important thing which you as owner/founder/CEO can do.
This impacts your social well-being and mental performance.
If these 2 things are well balanced your energy levels, decision making, assertiveness, communication ability, biz profitability will be high.
If not, here is a chance to learn some cool things 🙂
See what I did? Instead of saying that a lack of balance between social well-being and mental performance is a bad thing, the focus is on learning something you already know.
Just triggering awareness for it.
Here are my definitions of social wellbeing and mental performance.
Social well-being is the level of satisfaction & harmony you have with all relationships in your business and life. The little voice in your head which tells you daily what is comfortable and not so comfortable in relationships with other people.
Funny thing is that we don`t need so much time to learn how to use it in theory.
Mental performance is the ability how to handle the results of social well-being you have in your life. Self-talk you have in your mind as a consequence of interactions you had followed by decisions & actions you do.
I think that many of you will manage to understand these definitions since they are quite simple.
Below you can find 5 questions I use daily for helping my clients, family & friends with finding a balance between social well-being & mental performance.
The key is to use them when you don`t feel so comfortable. Sooner you can address the trigger for this state, verbalize to yourself how you feel and what your needs are sooner social brain will get you back to a comfortable and harmonious place.
- What specific emotion do I feel right now?
- What specific reason triggered this emotion?
- What are my social needs right now?
- How does this situation support my social needs right now?
- What specific lesson I can learn from this?
You can use this in ways – pen & paper and/or self-talk with yourself.
What I have seen from experience:
- Initially, people have certain resistance. It is hard to confront not-so-comfortable feelings and situations. Avoidance happens.
- Answering even 1 question triggers a pleasant feeling.
- After a couple of times, this can become, for people who are open to it, an easy and fluid way how to tackle any situation which happens with relationships.
- More serotonin and oxytocin are released. Hence more respect and connection you feel 🙂
Your social brain with little exercise develops a reflex to react with harmony to anything which happens to you.
Important note – this is not a coaching technique or quick scheme to boost your mood. This is a simple way how to better use your social brain and the energy which comes with that.
Journey & adventure vs destination.
In end, I feel it`s important to add why I`m credible to write & speak about these things which are a big passion and enjoyment for me 🙂
- Grew up in a social environment which was focused on negativity, blaming others for lack of results and lack of 2-way communication. Transformed that environment within 10 years into a positive space with ownership and 2-way communication.
- Surrounded by certain addictions and unhealthy behaviours from friends and family. Made a conscious decision not to repeat the same addictions, living a healthy lifestyle with no alcohol and drug abuse.
- Experienced domination in peer2peer relationships from early teenage years. Transformed that into equality with relationships I create with others.
- Learnt biz lessons early on from people who were motivated by money and external factors of success. Took what works and eliminated what doesn`t work.
- Building consulting biz on my own without any outside investment which resulted in 7 figure offer to sell.
A lot of people online write what they think works vs actually living it.
These 5 things & many more served as an experience for developing well-balanced social well-being and mental performance which creates truly deep satisfaction in my mind, body n and spirit.
Know that feeling when you wake up every morning with deep harmony in your bones and skin?
I feel it. It is awesome.
Hope you will soon become aware that you also have it in your life. Little verbalization is a tool to unlock it.
P.S. These principles are applied in sales and HR daily. People who experience them close more deals, hire good employees and other people love to be in their company.
*TED video mentioned (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8KkKuTCFvzI&ab_channel=TED)